Amazon Crime: It Took 97 Minutes For Amazon To Admit They Were Screwing Me

In this undated photo provided by Nestle Purina PetCare is Grumpy Cat. It probably won't affect her famous mood, but Grumpy Cat now has an endorsement deal. The St. Louis-based company announced Tuesday, Sept. 17, 2013, the frown-faced Internet sensation, real name Tardar Sauce, is now the "spokescat" for a Friskies brand of cat food. (AP Photo/Nestle Purina PetCare)
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“Some people definitely do use it that way,” says Ryan, an Amazon support representative I spoke to by phone. “It is an apology for a negative experience. It sounds like exactly like you put it: they were just throwing it out there just so you would stop bugging them.”

I knew it! I’ve become sadly familiar with Amazon’s support system for Prime members as I’ve been on the receiving end of far more damaged, late or botched deliveries than I care to think about. The time I’ve spent talking to Amazon support will blow your mind.

Over the last two months I’ve spent more than 312 minutes chatting with Amazon support staffers (that’s over 5 hours). I’ve lost count of the additional time I’ve spent talking to Amazon support on the phone. And on several occasions — 3 by my count — a support session was terminated with the promise of a one month extension of my Amazon Prime membership.

Not a single one of those extensions have materialized and my Prime membership has now expired.

It was these promised Prime membership extensions — dangled like a carrot in front of a mule — that Ryan was referring to when he said, “Some people definitely do use it that way… It sounds like they were just throwing it out there just so you would stop bugging them.” He would know better than I.

Before we get to the 97-minute chat (that will seriously amaze you), how about a bit of background?

Amazon Prime Nickel And Dime

Back in May I placed an order that contained, among other items, some baby food. We were counting on this food to arrive on time as our current supply was nearly gone. Later, when I checked on the shipping status I saw that the package had been delayed: a pain, since I was running short on time.

I initiated a chat session with Amazon support to figure out what happened. I asked the support representative, Geancarlo, what the problem with my shipment was and also asked him to check on my past three orders since they had all been late. The next sentence that popped up in the chat interface, in broken English, was this:

08:49 AM PDT Geancarlo: I was checking the past orders and the carriers hasn’t send us why the orders have been delayed, I do apologize for this inconvenience, to

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